User:Tchernobog/archive/boodint/butcher

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Bloated Butcher
The Bloody Interviews


So, here we are for another of the Bloody Interviews. This week, we have the Bloated Butcher lined up for you. He's sitting here in front of me looking bloated and glad to be here!

How's it going Butcher?

It's going fine, to be sure, to be sure.

Do I detect a slight Irish accent there?

Aye, that ye do. I be an Irish farmer, truth be told. I used to work on a farm in the murky hills near Dublin. It were a great life.

What made you decide to leave that life and become a psychotic mass-murdering occult worshipper?

It were a tough decision, to be sure. I discussed it with the wife. She disagreed, I decapitated her, and that were that.

I see. Quite an eventful life you lead then. You've been trying to kill Caleb in various forms for quite some time now havn't you. How is it that every time he manages to get away?

Well, I don't know the specifics, but it seems as though he can just "respawn" from the dead and come and kill us all again...

[Laughs] What a rediculous suggestion. "Respawning" I ask you...

I asked Gideon about he. He seems to agree.

I don't really like Gideon much. He seems... boring. And very predictable.

Please. Don't insult my religion... It makes me very angry.

Angry enough... to KILL. Mr Butcher?

Oh yes. To be sure indeed.

Look, lets put a stop to this line of conversation right here. Every time I start insulting or inciting my interviewee, I end up shooting, or axeing, or hitting/kicking/punching them. And it is troublesome to maintain an interview with a dead subject. Although it's a challenge I sometimes welcome. Speaking of which. Have you any family?

... [Glares]

Ooops! My bad, we already went over them didn't we. Or went through them as the case may be.

I'm beginning to tire of your snide comments. To be sure.

Really? How so?

Well, I have noticed this with other subjects as well. You seem to get into full flow, then ask personal questions, then kill them. It's not healthy for your fans to see so much violence.

You're right, and it's not fair for my subjects to be, um, subjected to so much violence. Right?

Right.

Wuss.

I'll be begging your pardon there?

You're just scared that I'll be forced to kick your sorry little ass aren't you?

You couldn't kick my ass if you tried.

I couldn't reach your ass, let alone kick it...

Why you little...

What was that about violence?

I don't care. Come here and let me kick you, you little interviewing bastard.

[Aside] I think Mr. Butcher has had a little too much of the viagra and heroin that Mime had the other week...

Argh! I'll frigging kill you. To be bloody sure!

Whatever.

Arrrghh! [At this point, Mr. Butcher tried to dodge round the table and catch Mugwum. Sadly, he tripped on the microphone wire and smashed through the wooden floorboards, crashing through 4 floors of offices and landing in the laundry machine. If you look carefully in the early levels of Blood2, you can see him upside down in the machine. Haha.]

- mugwum