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The Bloody Interviews

This week, we shall be interviewing Gabriella. Good evening Gabby!

Gabriella! Hallo-a Mugwum. How are-a you keeping?

I'm fine Gabby, shall we get on with the interview?

Iz good with me.

Excellent. So, as we can see from the picture on the left of this column, you're a bit odd looking aren't you?

You try being-a undead-a killing machine and you-a tell me how good you look afterward.

Fair enough I suppose. Even after a month of running, this is our first interview with someone from the cast of Blood2. It's also the first time where we've spoken with a "good" character. What made you decide to work against the Cabalco?

They're-a bunch of stupid b*****ds and they kill my friends-a and tell-a me that it is part of their jobs-a. I try to sort them out for killing my friends-a. I also help-a my friend Caleb who iz also-a undead keela.

That's all rather fascinating Gabby, but why do you keep saying "-a" after the odd word?

Well, you see, it's-a way of my nationality for speaking with this way-a. I have noticed-a that you keep insulting or killing your interviewees, I hope you have no intention-a of doing theez to me?

Of course not. Besides they all seemed to provoke me anyway. I don't think I will have to unless of course you piss me off Gabby.

I weel not piss you off then Mugwum. I will pro-ably be for-ced to leave you een the meedle of our talk to go and kill someone.

Personally, I think we get on quite well. I've been looking at your stats Gabby, and you appear to be very strong with a very high resistance rate, but you're slow as hell and can't focus on anything. How come?

Well, I am strong and resistant-a because I cannot move very much.

Why's that?

Eez my hernia. It makes-a me not be able to move much, so I have to be strong and resistant.

And why can't you focus very well?

Because I'm on prozac.

Aha, that would explain it.

I think-a that I have-a to leeeve now to kill somebody. Eez it okay if I come back sometime for another interview weeth you Mugwum?

Of course, perhaps in a month or so.

That sounds good to me.

Of course it does, you're on prozac, you probably think the French national anthem sounds inspiring.

And I think that just about wraps up this week's interview. Next week I will be interviewing a fanatic.

[Whispers can be heard off-stage.]

Right, it looks as though I won't be interviewing a fanatic, because Gabby just shot him. I will in fact need to find someone else to interview instead. See you all next week.

- mugwum