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Lil' Caleb
The Bloody Interviews

Good evening ladies and gentlemen. Tonight's subject interviewee is a rogue who goes by the name of Lil' Caleb...

Hello Lil' Caleb.

Hi, what do you want?

Eh-ho, we've got an insy-binsy bit of an attitude there haven't we?

Watch your mouth or I'll shoot it off for you, bitch.

And this attitude stems from your time in the mirror evidentially...

Mmm, actually, I would say it's Caleb's incredible lack of personal hygiene. Remember, I reflect whatever he is, so it really pisses me off when he hasn't brushed his teeth, or he has a weapon down his shorts, that cold metal isn't for me I'm afraid.

What would you say about Caleb positively though?

I don't have anything good to say about him, why in the hell do you suppose I spend my life trying to kill him?

Good point. How come you're his reflection then?

At last, a proper question. It's a sad tale actually, I was originally the reflection of some rich geezer in the country, but I was fired because he didn't like the look of me...


I'll kick your ass.

Cumon then you puny little...

[scuffle] Ouch.

Sorry. So, what is your favourite colour?

What kind of question is that?

Fine, you ask the damned questions.

I will then. Why is it that every time you look at me, you laugh?

Because you're a freaky little Caleb lookalike?

Dammit, I'm asking questions!


So, tough guy, who are you interviewing next week?

Not answering that. Okay, I'll start asking questions again now. Do you watch South Park?

Mmm-hmm, yeah, funny show that. I like Kenny, I wish I was HIS reflection, I'd kick his ass sooo much.

What about Cartman?

FATASS!! Nah, I'm a Kenny man myself. Or Chef, now that life I could live with...

What, shagging cartoon characters?

I was referring to his cooking abilities.


Okay, so the good-luvin' thang I could go for, just a little bit.

Thank you for your time Lil' Caleb.

Is that it?

Right you lil' turd, I'll whoop your sorry lil' ass back into. . . . .

[Barely audible, muffled screams, slighlty reminiscent of a small man having his brains beaten out against a wall can be heard. The crescendo of a pulpy skull cracking soon impulses into the rhythm. Lil' Caleb's brains actually took up more space than his corpse...shame.]

- mugwum